Here is the 3rd chapter of my blog-book. Read the first 2 chapters on my personal blog: https://audreyrenae.wordpress.com/
I have avoided writing this chapter as I knew from the beginning chapter 3 was about love. I see my days numbered like quick sand. They go so quickly, how do I possibly live or love when all I can see if the days just disappearing in front of me? In the distance, far away, I see a rock. In my head, this is where God is. Now let you remind you, I grew up in the church… I believe all the things they tell you. “You are a daughter of the King.” “He so loved the world” aka:me, “..that he gave his only Son.” “You have access to the Kingdom.” You know the basic Christian He loves you, lingo.
I’ve had that ahh-ha moment where I knew God loved me and I was completely surrendered to Him. He was my greatest love, passion, friend and King. God was my everything from the time I was a small girl, and everyone around me knew it. It was not surprise that in high school they called me “barbie” – just once in a mean Facebook post, and I was fully deserving and “that Christian girl.”
Somewhere along the way I realized I can love till I’m black and blue but, I don’t know how to be loved. I never understood the distance I felt between myself and people I loved. I just thought loving God from the quick sand while He was on His rock, was as good as it got, for me.
I’m not there yet. I don’t see myself walking to the rock. At this point, I’m taking in the idea. How do you join a God, the King, the Creator of the world on His rock.
The truth is, it’s not rude. He wants this relationship with me.
This whole concept boils down to my everyday life. My sweet boyfriend has done everything to make me feel like a princess. He is the most charming, kind and sweet man. After 4 years of dating, I still have a hard time letting him buy me anything. I physically don’t know how to accept his love. He mows the lawn and I cry. I don’t know how to be loved.
God isn’t the only one on the rock. I put myself in the quicksand and everyone around me tries to love me but I don’t let them.
It’s cold by myself. Lonely and well, sandy.
The problem is, I am not alone. I have a beautiful God on a fancy rock waiting for me.